Valentine's Day - R&B Songs to Say I Love You

Jessie Malakouti key to the city

top 5 r&b love songs 2010

想你，却不打扰你，是因为太爱你了(Specially for WL)

如果我能回到从前，我会选择不认识你。

不是我后悔。

是我不能面对，没有你的结局。

从此以后，我们的幸福，与彼此都无关了。

原来“爱”这个字，与我是遥不可及。

静静地想着你，放上一段优雅的音乐。

你的身影很模糊，你的脸庞很朦胧，但这并不影响我想你的情绪。

我没有很想你，只是在高兴的时候会想起你，你是我第一个想要分享的人。

我没有很想你，只是在不高兴的时候会想起你，你是我第一个想要倾诉的人。

我没有很想你，只是在听歌的时候会突然想起你，不为什么，只因为那歌词里写的好像我和你。

我没有很想你，只是在早晨醒来的时候会突然想起你，不为什么，只因为梦里出现的人好像你。

我没有很想你，只是在看书的时候会突然想起你，不为什么，只因为那那书中的主角好像我和你。

我真的没有很想你，我只是在走到某个路口的时候才会想起你，我只是看碟看到一办的时候才会想起你，我只是听歌听到一半的时候才会想起你。

我真的没有很想你，我只是在不想想你的时候才会想起你。这样真好，我没有很想你，我只是想你想到眼睛湿润。

想你，但却害怕让你知道，所以不敢也不会打扰你。

只有把你的信息藏在手机里，像你的时候把它们都翻出来慢慢的看，细细地品，然后就不停地在偷笑，悲伤。

只有把你想听，喜欢听和经常听的歌下载，保存起来，哪怕是几首普通的歌，还是我不曾会听得曲风，都会不厌烦的重复性的播放。想你的时候把它们翻出来放上至少一遍，久久不肯停止，细细地品味。

只是在我看到你在线Facebook，当时的我有多么的想你，多么的想关心你，但我还是没办法让你知道我有多想你。我没办法打扰你，也没办法让你觉得我的关心是压力，全因你有你的忙碌与奔波。

只有在每个寂静如水的夜里等你的信息，反反复复的检查是否有新的信息显示，当你的延迟回复让我以为我的手机发生故障了。

等来了，心里是一阵莫名的喜悦与激动，但压抑着满怀的高兴给你发去淡淡的问候ˎ淡淡的玩笑ˎ淡淡的吵闹。

等不来，就只带着一丝淡淡的惆怅，在半梦半醒中睡去。

在没有你消息的日子里，只有拼命地找寻你的点滴ˎ你的照片ˎ你的videoˎ你的blog，装作若无其事地打听关于你的一切，然后竖起耳朵听他们说着你的点滴，把这些点点滴滴全都刻在脑海里。

我一直比你想象的更加爱你，可是我却不能告诉你。

抬头望着这个城市的云，呼吸着这个城市的空气，也会想起你。

此刻，我想你，但只是想你，而不打扰你。

七夕情人节

In such a memorable day, the person came across my mind is you. Although you do not accept my love and I force to forget you but deep in my heart I know that I still could not forget you. Many of them may not believe that I fall in love with a guy so quick. Actually, do you know that the person I keep ask from GOD is just exactly like you. You have all the criteria I want. If it is say that you do not meant for me but why you should have all the criteria I want? After the day that you refuse the love from me, I keep thinking what's the exact problem about me that you reject my love. I thought of that I am not enough pretty, but at the end I think I know what you are worrying (Maybe). You are worrying that if we are on a relationship how could we maintain our love right? cause we are in long distance relationship. I'm in Penang and you are in KL. Perhaps you are true. Did you think that I never come across this matter before I tell my love to you? I did. I don't care about that but why won't you? I am dare to take risk, you are a guy but why you are more scary cat than me? My friends always said that if a guy is meant for you then he won't make you sad and will always there for you. Overall, the guy will back to you if he is meant for you. I always believe in this but when will this happen to me? I know this is the time for me to pray harder and let GOD hear my voices of my heart but what should I tell GOD? I want a guy like him or I want him badly? Or I should ask that is it I really meant for alone until I die? What I want is so so so simple. I just want a guy is an Christian (same POV), able to communicate well, love family, hardworking, enthusiastic, having same interest like me, taller than me, thin, love delicious food like me and creative-minded. One of my friend told that this can be fulfill by any guy but why there is no one except him?

April 28, 2010

"他不再是我的，我告诉自己别再傻了....曾几何时我们是相爱而且又甜蜜的情侣....现在他已经不再爱我了...曾告诉自己是时候把他忘了...好讨厌现在的自己....无论我做了什么，他还是不曾在我记忆里消失...理论上，我是该把他忘了，再找个新的来疼自己...如果能这么容易就忘了我们曾有过的记忆，那我对他的爱不就是说说而已?我是否该存有一切关于他的记忆??曾试过让自己忙得透不过气，让自己没有时间停下来想他。到最后，更忘不了。稍微有一秒的停顿让我更想念他。曾经有人告诉我，要把一个你所爱的人忘了，就只有两个方法。第一就是让自己忙碌，可我试了还是无效。第二，就是找个人来爱。当我跟他分手后，我就找个比他条件更好的男人来拍拖。相处了一段时间，我发现我更忘不了他。能不能告诉我，到底该怎么办我才能不需像现在这么痛苦？有试过做自己开心的事，笑一笑就会慢慢忘了。但，夜深人静时，我就会开始想起他。身边所有的朋友都觉得我们分手好可惜，甚至有人说我怎么可以这么轻易把他放走。我提出分手只是要他开心，而不是因为我们的关系耽误到他找到比我更好更适合的伴侣。我的朋友都说我该向他解释我的立场。当我要向他说明一切时，他就抢先告诉我他已经找到女友了。我说我还爱着他，我跟他分手都由我自己的原因。又曾试过挽留不过，他的意志好坚定，甚至还叫他的女友说服我放手吧。。当一个人不再爱你了，我就不想勉强她留下了。他甚至还说他愿意当我的性伴侣如果我需要的时候。。我的反应比较慢，也就还跟他的女友谈心事。到现在还是一样。有时，他的女友还向我投诉他们之间的问题。。虽然我的立场不该再跟她有任何瓜葛了，可是整件事上，她没错。过了半年了，他已经走出了我们之间的过去，但我还是活在过去。每当他的照片出现在我的FB wall 我的心情瞬间又因为他而改变了。有些时候，我真的好想告诉他，我不在乎成为他的第二个女友。可是如果我这么做，三个人都会受伤。现在的情况或许对我来讲很痛苦，可至少我已经把伤害降到最低，不是吗？我还是会为了他流眼泪。前天，我做了一个决定。我也不肯定到底对吗。我告诉他，把我的FB delete and block include MSN too..然后，叫他的女友不要再告诉我所有关于他们之间的事情。我告诉他，我没有那个勇气这么做，其实是在我心里，我非常地不想这么做。可是，如果我没这么做，我会疯的。希望他会吧。想想，我跟他分手后，我变得更爱去喝酒，CLubbing and dance...有时，我还傻得认为他会回到我身边。所有人告诉我，如果有一天他回头，我不该接受他了。因为他的爱是如此的不坚持。当时的他，过不了几个星期，他就有了新欢。他为了我流泪一天一夜，我却为他流泪正正两个月。到现在，每当他浮现在我脑海，我的眼泪会不由自主地流下。上帝说过，他所爱的子民的眼泪是为了上帝而哭。或许上帝给我的考验。上帝让我明白什么是真爱。所有上帝未曾答应的爱情都一路不好走。上帝祝福的爱情是会让彼此越爱对方，而且更加的亲近上帝。虽然一路上必有考验，但是只要上帝祝福的爱情，都会一一克服。在这事情上，我学会了“等待”。等待上帝的回应，上帝的安排。

April 24, 2010

"At tis moment, I cry 4 u..Can u feel my pain?Can u c d wound in my heart??u cried 4 our past 1day but I cried for it almost half a year....I knw I should 4get it,but is it so easy s hw u overcome dat??I'm still holding the faith that I'll find some1 dat realy love me n if u r meant 4me, u will back 2me.Both of these faith dat I'm hold still brought me here..But I hav no mor strength to hold it anymore...Perhaps what Zul said was right..Cry out loud helps."

April 22, 2010

Burning oil in the mid of night not a good feels especially having sore throat and no fan exist at the same time. With the bored feel, I took few pictures using my webcam. Here some.

April 18, 2010

April 18, 2010
Almost half year he found his new love, my heart still pain and feels like crying soon after I see his picture appears on my wall. Am I emotional because of the incident that my best friend facing now or I still love him? I always imagine that, if we are still attached, what will happen. Am I the one that still live in the past since he was able to walk out from the past? Is it that I don’t want to give up or I cannot make it? After so long, there are few friends still can’t get the reason why we both end up like this. Everyone thinks that I dumped him just because I do not love him anymore. I tried to get a new one and proved to him that I can live without him just like how he doing now. But I end up hurt another guy. I tried so hard but why still end up the same? I really appreciate that he accompanied me when my mum passed away. Therefore I understand Lin’s situation that her bf was not here and she really need a strong support but sadly I can’t do anything for her. What I can do is to give her a call and sms to make her comfort. Lin, be strong. Kay? Your family still needs you. Lin, hope that if you read this blog, my advice to you is, plan properly with your future. I know financial is a big problem for you and you trying hard to bring easy life for your family with few job at one day, but please take care of your health too. Do not make the person that cares and needs you worry about you. Kay? Need any advice can call me or leave a message in my FB inbox.
What is the way to forget this love? This love pushes me to unhealthy lifestyle. Ever since that incident, I get to addict on drinking and clubbing as well as rushing to get a new love. Sometime, I even have bad thought to find the way to split them but I have no right to do that because I will hurt him. To love can be to give. As long as the person that you love happy, you will happy. I really wish to have him back but I can’t force this to be happened. If he meant for me, he will back to me. Write until here, I still cannot find my stand. 

February 6, 2010

January 16, 2010

Today is the most hardworking day that I had. I get the satisfaction through this while I got my first non-fiction book from CAIS. I swore to myself that I have to remain or get better result than previous semester so that I can reach my target. I set my target as I have to reach 3.5 each semester at least so that I am able to receive first class honor in HRD. Receiving it need not to pay back PTPTN as well as get good job offer. At the same time, I hope that I can get the offering from JPA. Since my STPM result not good, I wish that I could use my first semester’s result to apply it. JPA scholarship is so well and much more than PTPTN. Most important, I need not pay back but got job offering at any that they arranged. Isn’t this nice? I can get my job easily but have to follow their arrangement at least four years. Many benefits I get from it if then I get the offering. I need not have to depend on others but make use with the independent state. I can show to others that even I am from poor family, but I still can succeed. What I need to do is concentrate in study and do not waste anytime on others. Remain the current hardworking state is the most tough work for me as well. I should learn from Naruto, “I am bad at giving up!” in Naruto series. He taught me a thing which even at the very last moment, we should not give up. Even we left 1% of energy, we should try our best to accomplish our task and mission. LORD is the major supportive of mine. I really need HIM to help me in all even a tiny thing.

“GOD is real. JESUS will back to Earth soon. Very soon! Be prepared. (2012) is the warning message from HIM. The messages in it were real.” That sentence should store in everyone of us.

January 1, 2010

In such a special day, I still could not forget him. I do not want to lie to myself. What in my mind at this moment is him but not the one I have to. Looking at his graduation picture, I start to cry again. Although the pain not that strong as before, regret feeling still in me. I always control my feeling. Joyce told me that I should learn how to let go. She told me that forgiving of someone that you really love is hard but Jesus also forgive our sins and die for us. Forgive does not means that we forget but let go of the harsh feeling. I am still on my way towards forgiving him. Although not 100%, at least more than 0%. I do not know whether you are happy but GOD take you away from me means that I do not deserve for you, vise versa. Is that ignoring can solve problem? His ignores means he does not want to bother me even as a friend? Or he needs to cool down himself and make clear of his feeling? Am I supposed not to appear in his life ever? I know the answer is let it be naturally happen, but how? Time is medicine for me by now. I need more time to cure this pain. Having new bf will help faster or worse and maybe adding one more person in my suffering? I think I should not back to here. Everything I thought was good when I preparing to back here, once I back, everything change. Everything and everyone change. Before this I thought that he will act like a friend to me but he totally changes his attitude towards me. He said, we should be friend but three more days I am going back but he never ask to meet up. Perhaps he does not want to see me. This is the only probability. He is not the one that I love. He is not the one that I know and understand anymore. Perhaps meeting him will make myself more suffer. I should influence the person that surrounding me but not vise versa. ^ ^

November 28, 2009

“I miss you. I really miss you.” This is what I want to tell you but I cannot do it. I always put myself in this difficult situation. Actually I can do what I want but I not suppose to do that for everyone that involved. I should not be so selfish. I need to think for others. Sacrifice one always better than three of us suffer. Therefore I need to sacrifice. My heart so pain now. Do you feel it? I thought I can forget him. When I meet him on that day, I tried my best not look at him because I scared I will cry. I did it successfully but I can feel that my heart is bleeding. Am I success to tell him that I can live without him? I am contradicting now. I want to be with him but he is not mine from the moment he had new gf. He did this to me now, maybe in the future again. No one can predict. I know is my mistake to let him go easily but I really think for his own good. Why can’t he understand my feeling? Why he never try his hard to understand me? If he uses more of his effort that time, I will not suffer now. Why? I really deserve for it? I try my best to fall in love in other guy but I just realize that it is hard to forget the deep love for someone. It needs time more to forget one person. Everything surround me right now always make me remember about him. I just hope that when I back on the next semester during may, I am able to forget him and will not feel anything when I meet him, I see every news about him and face him with a normal feeling. Why he treated her better than when with me? Sometime, I wonder that is it I’m the only one suffers till now, and he lives happily ever after? What his friend said is right. He is able to face the pain when I asked to break and get his new love. It is true. Therefore, just let me face my mistake alone. Maybe he thought he love me most when with me but realize that he love that girl more now. Maybe he just do what he suppose to do as a bf but now with his new gf is use his real love. I can feel it. Which ever is right not important anymore. He will not turn back to me. NEVER!!!! I just hope now is just a dream. When I open my eyes, he is still beside me. I always hope once I open my eyes from sleep. It is impossible. I should not have this stupid dream. Love is an amazing thing. Love can make one stupid or intelligent. It is depends on the user. Waiting for my prince I need to ride on a horse so that I can reach my destination. Who is the horse? The horses are all my ex-boyfriends. Within these days, I need to prepare myself for the three days in PC fair. I should not be so emotional when I work with him. I need to tidy all my emotional during these days. It takes time but I believe that I am able to do everything with HIM. Am I right, DADDY? Give me more. I will surrender everything that I have. I am desperate for YOU. Halleluyah.....Busying with all personal stuffs really helps. I can forget him temporary and better than nothing. Time pass, I believe that I am able.^.^

November 12, 2009

Counting the day left to back hometown. One and half days more, I will be back to my hometown, Penang. One semester I’m in UNIMAS for studying. Exciting feeling that I can back home but thinking about I can’t see him anymore as a couple make me feel sad now. I gave up long time ago. I am sad because of regret in my heart. I regret that I should not be so rush to do any decision. If I think for myself and be more selfish, maybe I will not have to suffer in this regret. Sometimes when we think for others, if he or she is happy, is it enough and satisfy? This kind of feeling is hard to explain in words. It is about the satisfaction. Being a sacrificial person is not that easy as others think. I do hope he is living a happy life. I always control not to be existed in his life anymore but I just cannot control myself to go near him and anything about him. I have a stupid action. I always try to be good with his gf. I just don’t know the reason. Am I interested to make friend with her or it is because she is his gf? What should I do so that I can keep a distance from him? Can I just delete everything about him in my life? Physical thing like Facebook, MSN, and everything he gave, I can throw and delete his account in my Facebook and MSN, but the memories me and him together were hard to forget. Now I understand what the meaning of sweet memories. They can make you cry and smile at the same time. You cry because the memories are no more belongs to you. You smile because you have it one in a time. Since this incident, everyone surrounding me tend to push me to a new couple life. Friends, I am okay with current situation. I do not want to involve in any relationship is not because I am still waiting for him, but I just lost the enthusiasm to love, care, miss, and concern about a bf. Maybe I should say that I lost the faith in guy instead. Maybe my prince will appear the next moment, but I am not going to search for it. All the while I’ve been searching my prince, but this time I shall let him search for me. If he is mine, I can have it at the end. GOD arranges everything well for me. Everything HE planned in all of us is exact the time. HE will never let me down if I put HIM first. Putting HIM first maybe difficult for all of us, but trust me, HE will put you first. HE loves us more than HE cans until sacrifice HIS only son to save us, what else HE cannot do for us? Once in a time, I ignore this statement and put self first. At the end, I realize GOD want to give me something but at last I cannot get from HIM because I did not WAIT. Since I came to UNIMAS, I am able to have a wider view on this world. I think I grow within HIM a little more but still not enough for HIS request on me. Am I right, DADDY? I still feel that HE want me to change my attitude but I just cannot do it myself, so he arrange a lot of things happen around me to change me. From the day I was a baby, HE planned that I should come to Sarawak to train my independence. I am able to face all my stress alone, all my assignment alone, friendship, and emotion. I can live without friends’ accompanies.

November 8, 2009

I lost my mood in studying my final examination in tomorrow time. I keep thinking about the day of going back hometown, what should be done on that one month, and what should be eaten. Thinking of all these make me feel thousand times of excited. It had been six months that I’ve been UNIMAS for the first semester. Once I step on this land, it is no turning back. I need to stay here until I graduate. Seriously, PTPTN itself just enough for paying fees here and has simple or cheap meals everyday. If I wish to go back to Penang, I need to be wised-spend on it. Otherwise, I need to depend on my uncle to pay for it. Although there is someone paying for me but not asking me to pay back, but I could not go back that often.

There were few months that I suffered a lot of missing him and my home. It was the period of time that I feel like dying. No one understands better than me. This is my first time to be so far from home and so long never going back. Few days more, I’m in my home. I am meeting my friends and my family. I need to carefully plan on my schedule for my one month break. I do hope that he will stop reading my blog and keep some privacy for me. I’ve been warn him many times not to read anymore but he still keep with that. What is he trying to do? We are not the relationship that he has to read my blog and know anything from me. Although we are still friend, but who ever on this Earth read will be make no difference, but if he read is totally different story. I do not know how to explain the reason I care about it, but I am strongly dislike he read it. I hope he know how to respect me and himself, not forgetting his gf. I told Lin, she also agreed that I need to warn him again. He goes into my privacy area. What he want from me actually? When I decided to give up of him and do not want to bother him, then he start to read my blog and comment to me. Is it man that cheap? When I want him still and willing to wait for him, he do not want to bother me; when I decide to give up, then he has all these actions?

PLEASE STOP READING MY BLOG!!!!!!!!!!

You disappointed me once, and please leave me alone. Okay?

Here a quote that so meaningful to me and I hope if he read my blog again, please try to understand the meaning in it.

“如果你不爱一个人，请放手。好让别人有机会爱他。如果你爱的人放弃了你，请放开自己，好让自己有机会爱别人。有些东西你再喜欢也不会属于你的，有的东西你再留恋也注定要放弃的。人生中有许多种。但别让自己为一种伤害。有些缘分是注定要失去的，有些缘分是永远都不会有好结果的。爱一个人不一定要拥有，但拥有一个人就要好好的去爱他。男人哭了是因为他真的爱了，女人哭了是因为她放弃了。”

When you no more love someone, please let him/her go, so that she deserve to get her/his happiness and let someone else to love her/him. When a girl cries is because she really gives up. I cried more than two months because of stupid, sucks, low patient, and low class him. Now when I decided to put down, he comes to read my blog? What his problem? Although I am still love him, but we are impossible. I said to myself, if he turn back to me, I will not accept again so do all my ex. Other I cannot confirm, but he will definitely not doing it again. What is love? My university has a lot of good choice and some chasers, but I do not have any interest towards them. I think is not because of him, is because that I’m no more trust on it. I will wait for him. The “him” that sent by GOD. GOD always wants me to WAIT. Now, I find my peace in HIM though single. I need to stand strong on the conditions of my bf. In previous period, I lost in all relationship. Conclusion, I’m too rushing for a relationship and I never stand strong on my points. I need to change. Well, I’m going to have a short sharing session in RCC next Sunday about GOD’s work on me. I’m excited for it. I’m desperate for HIM. Halleluyah. ^.^