November 28, 2009

“I miss you. I really miss you.” This is what I want to tell you but I cannot do it. I always put myself in this difficult situation. Actually I can do what I want but I not suppose to do that for everyone that involved. I should not be so selfish. I need to think for others. Sacrifice one always better than three of us suffer. Therefore I need to sacrifice. My heart so pain now. Do you feel it? I thought I can forget him. When I meet him on that day, I tried my best not look at him because I scared I will cry. I did it successfully but I can feel that my heart is bleeding. Am I success to tell him that I can live without him? I am contradicting now. I want to be with him but he is not mine from the moment he had new gf. He did this to me now, maybe in the future again. No one can predict. I know is my mistake to let him go easily but I really think for his own good. Why can’t he understand my feeling? Why he never try his hard to understand me? If he uses more of his effort that time, I will not suffer now. Why? I really deserve for it? I try my best to fall in love in other guy but I just realize that it is hard to forget the deep love for someone. It needs time more to forget one person. Everything surround me right now always make me remember about him. I just hope that when I back on the next semester during may, I am able to forget him and will not feel anything when I meet him, I see every news about him and face him with a normal feeling. Why he treated her better than when with me? Sometime, I wonder that is it I’m the only one suffers till now, and he lives happily ever after? What his friend said is right. He is able to face the pain when I asked to break and get his new love. It is true. Therefore, just let me face my mistake alone. Maybe he thought he love me most when with me but realize that he love that girl more now. Maybe he just do what he suppose to do as a bf but now with his new gf is use his real love. I can feel it. Which ever is right not important anymore. He will not turn back to me. NEVER!!!! I just hope now is just a dream. When I open my eyes, he is still beside me. I always hope once I open my eyes from sleep. It is impossible. I should not have this stupid dream. Love is an amazing thing. Love can make one stupid or intelligent. It is depends on the user. Waiting for my prince I need to ride on a horse so that I can reach my destination. Who is the horse? The horses are all my ex-boyfriends. Within these days, I need to prepare myself for the three days in PC fair. I should not be so emotional when I work with him. I need to tidy all my emotional during these days. It takes time but I believe that I am able to do everything with HIM. Am I right, DADDY? Give me more. I will surrender everything that I have. I am desperate for YOU. Halleluyah.....Busying with all personal stuffs really helps. I can forget him temporary and better than nothing. Time pass, I believe that I am able.^.^