November 2, 2009

November 2, 2009

Today is our first day of final examination. The first day include the two subject of Tamadun Islam dan Tamadun Asia (TITAS) and End User’s Computering (TMX1010). TMX was what I expected so I’m able to answer well but TITAS all came put from lecturer’s slides which I only focus on text book. Besides that, I’m sick since last night, so kind of giddy during second examination, TITAS. I came out of the examination hall quite early, around 40 minutes after the examination start. What makes me happy was, last night he did send message to me and wished me “good luck”. I do not know what is in his mind and why he wishes me, but I knew that he just try to be friend with me. Maybe what Kenny said were all right. Now, he tries to be friend and follow his plan. He is a well-planned man in all. I do hope that he is serious to me as well. Do I really fall in love with him? Or I’m just lonely and feel happy if there is someone like me and wishes to accompany me? I do not know the answer. Time will tells. What I’m sure right now is I still love him. Although I do still love him but I will not accept him if he’s turn back to me. He did hurt me before because he got a new gf so quick. His supporters said to me that he is well done with facing the truth, but I think he cannot stand on any single day of loneliness. If not this reason, he might not love me with his full heart until he can forget the pain so fast. Or his love can simply give to others. Any else of the reason, he himself know the best. The incident’s main character is back to examination today. As her wish, she is famous among our program. She do not feel any shameful and act like the always. She is lonely. She tries to make friend with all of us but sometime her attitude makes us act. We try to be nice with her all the time but every time she will spoil with her scolding. She does not know how to respect and understand others. In other word, she is selfish and extreme. If she tries to be nice to me then maybe I will tell her what’s wrong with her, but she is not. She did scold all of us like she is the lecturer. What I’m able to do is nice with her when she is nice with me; she try to step on my back, I will fight back until the end. Maybe this sound cruel, but all of my classmates will understand this. Even her best friend also talked bad about her back of her. How could she find a true friend if she never care about others feeling?

30th~31st October 2009

31^st October 2009

What an unlucky day from 30^th to 31^st October 2009. 30^th October 2009 is our University of Malaysia (UNIMAS), Human Resource Development (HRD) year 2 organize the welcoming dinner for the year 1. The venue is at The Crown Square Plaza. Well. This is quite a good place to be held for an informal dinner but there is a better choice for a formal dinner like The Bonquet. The Crown Square Plaza’s ball room is quite small and yet they collected RM35 from each of us. The food is quite delicious due to our hunger but till the incident happened, most of us lost our appetite to eat. We practiced so many times just to be performed well in this dinner. Her fall spoilt our hope especially mine. I hope I’m performing well in front of him. Well, why do I care so much of him? Since when do I like such a guy? When I look back, I’m just feeling happy that someone tends to interested in me but just that I’m not his type. Deep in my heart, I still love him. When I see he is enjoying his life, I’m happy that I make a right decision. At least he is not suffering with me in a long distance relationship. Although this should not be seen by him, but I believed that he no more bother to be concerned me as a friend. I think he will not bother to read my blog anymore. That’s good. When we love deep, we do not need to keep him at our side. I do warn myself that I only can miss him by sweet memory but not wait him propose me anymore. Even if he looks back at me, I will not accept him anymore though I still love him deep. I need to be stand still and WAIT. WAIT for GOD’s plan. I just do not know how to settle all these, but what I can do for now moment is “just let it’s being like this”. Besides that, 31^st October 2009, is the day when my first time to be in Kuching police station. Due to a car accident, we need to accompany my friend for report. From this, I can make an assumption that rich people are cruel. I need to be always reminds myself when ever I’m rich, have to look at the person. We are just university students, but he wants us to pay everything as he did wrong also. Anyway, I get to protect my friends before the adults came. What an unlucky day for me and my friends.

23rd October 2009

23^rd October 2009

This is the day when we have our meet with Penang’s Timbalan Ketua Menteri. The students in UNIMAS were invited to go for the dinner. Since my friends which are Sarawakian and also Kuching residents, told me that “The Bonquet” is a very high class place to go. There have a lot of nice foods, and it is true after I have tried it. It was a good experience because we have the chance to speak with him and take a picture with him. One of his helpers reached there earlier before YB told us bad about UNIMAS. The helpers from UNIMAS suppose to be reached there earlier than anyone else but they never reach so they need to change into plan B which is request the students from UNIMAS to be the helper like the MC, representative from students, etc. All these are choosing randomly and volunteer. Lamm. In this dinner, I found out that our Penang government really concern their people especially the students that study so far from Penang. We do appreciate it, Penang Government. Thanks a lot for the “lau hau”, food at the Bonquet, opportunities to let us voice out our problem, service provided in the ball room, and the concern table by table. It is touching when we all go so far from home to further our studies. The Bonquet is having a very good service. After our buffet session, they do prepare the polystyrene box for us to “tapao”. Warm.

20th October 2009

20^th October 2009

It had been two months since he told me that he got a new gf. I do not understand why I behave like this. This is my first time to take so long time but still can’t forget someone. Last few weeks I thought I might forget him already but it is true until today. I feel like very miss him and want to tell him through my posting but I can’t do this for his sake and my image. I swear I won’t accept him if he turn back to me but I think there is no such word exist in his dictionary. When he decides to go on, then there is no turning back. Someone told me that he keep going on with his new life, so I should not just stay on my present situation. He told me to look forward. I knew I should and must do that but in words is not easy as work it out. I should have study for tomorrow quiz but I can’t make it. I just feel like giving up everything here and back to Penang and continue with my normal life there but I can’t. Sometime, we cannot do things as what we wish to. If I give up study here, I will disappoint a lot people. What should I do? Just leave it aside and focus on my final? I’m trying all the while. Will this success? Time will tells all after final finish and semester 1 end. Sometime, I even dream that this is just a dream, I’ve never been here, and when ever I open my eyes I’m still on my home bed and my sms inbox with his lovely sms. If he read this, I want to tell him that this post does not mean anything. It is just my feeling record. But, I think he will never bother any from me, how could he read my blog? I have no feeling on what he’s doing recently; I’m just a normal missing on him. Do I still love him? Perhaps yes, perhaps no. when ever I’m in emotional will use cry to release and settle the emotional feeling then keep going on with my works, but this time no more tears. Is it because I have no more feeling on him or I’m just dry of tears? In this kind of situation, I should have praying to GOD but I do not know how to speak to GOD. Praying in tongue does not make sense in comforting me right now. I always try to use pray to comfort myself but….try to be active in all sorts of outdoor activities, mix around with my friends, study hard for final, and do assignment, but all these make me happy on that time, after it, loneliness and sadness back again. Peace in my heart is the only way I can do now.

Anyway, today is the last class for English for Professional Purpose (EPP) and had a great presentation today. Well done. Actually I just drop down some point and speak random. Really pray do help. Every time I do my presentation, I prayed, “with YOU I’m able, without YOU, I am nothing. Amen.” That’s how I pray every time. Really success and I make the presentation in my style and smooth. Halleluyah. Before I go up stage for my presentation, for sure I’m nervous but before I go up, I prayed. Once I reached the stage, the nervousness disappears unexplainable. That’s the power of GOD. HE is LORD of LORDs, King of kings. What else he can’t do for us? Even be a doctor with medicine also HE is able. Every time I feeling unwell, I pray, then slowly I’m okay then especially migraine and headache. Furthermore, I’m always cold in class but not bringing any jacket, again I pray, it really not cold then. Praise HIS name.

22nd September 2009

WOW~~WOW~~~What a wonderful days....Yesterday and today(21st-22nd September) were the days Pastor Kong Hee come to City Harvest Church,Kuching (CHC). I get to know it last Sunday. I was so excited that my favorite pastor from famous church is coming to talk to me live. I get to know him in YouTube. Since I came to UNIMAS further study, I lost the connection with GOD which I don't even have a single christian song when I need to worship him and get support from him. I start to look for Christian song in YouTube which I also forgot why I used YouTube to find the songs. I found a lot of video that worshiping and I saw one video was Pastor Kong's preach. The video clip was short (about 2-3 minutes). His words touch me even it just a simple sentence. I knew him through this video. I wish I could find a longer preach from him, but I could not find a single (ar..Maybe is I stupid in searching such thing or it need us to pay for it. As you know, YouTube download video for FREE and nothing is free in this world but need sacrifice for it). I always think I might be not have a single chance to meet this "celebrity pastor" in my whole life unless I go to Singapore then go to his CHC in Singapore. Unbelievable, he will come to CHC, Kuching and talk to me. LIVE~~cool~~ I did prayed to GOD that GOD please let me know the solution to solve my relationship problem through his mouth. It did happen in the first day of his preaching. Halleluyah~~Praise the GOD. Both preaches just like go straight to my heart and GOD speak to me what should I do. Thanks GOD. Besides that, I got a free gift from Pastor Kong. When he asked who want it, I raise my hand high and my friend also help to put my another hand on high. He gave it to me. Halleluyah.. That's what I need for now. After the service, I came to ask her that why she put my hand up, she answered me that's the first thinking crossed her mind. I do believe that GOD really want me to have it. The gift was a series of audio CDs. The title is "Choosing the Right Partner for Life". The blessed night I ever had.

Second day of service came. 10am with the leadership training. GOD do not want us to just stay in first space which is Christianity but go to second space, marketplace(Education, Entertainment, Media, Business) then we will reach the highest level in Christ. The third space is the connection with the influence person in the higher hierarchy of a country/world. With the help and support of these stage of people, we will be easier to spread HIS love and win more spirit for GOD. Night service at 7pm start with a great worship team from CHC, Singapore. All the while, they will worship first before Pastor Kong goes up to stage. This is how they look like when practice before the service start. Today, I only got the chance to take photo because busy with serving the presents. Besides that, we got to take some pictures before they start their practice. The gold chance took photo with them because we only can see them in TV or else go to CHC, Singapore. Even you can see them but does not mean that you also have the chance to take photo with them. They are so serious even just in practice.

He look like Korean singer but I cant recall the name of the singer. He lead lots songs in CHC, Singapore especially rap song.

The singer that I love the most which sing Heaven. same height with me.:) He wrote a lot of nice songs. His voice also fantastic. That's where his position is for serving GOD. I still can't find mine. Hope to find it soon.

this picture is to pleased Aaron Tai. He only take picture with the one he know and he think is famous. I do not think so, they are great singers.

To please Cindy. She is the one help me get the CDs. Holy hand that GOD used for giving me what I need. Halleluyah..

their practice 001--almost perfect:)

Main singer was HOT. Her voice so powerful. Pity them sing all the way for us and non-stop start from their CHC, Singapore Sunday service. In these two days, thanks for it my friends. Good luck in your next session in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah tomorrow(23rd).

"Barbie doll" in worship team drinking water. She is so pretty and Kawaii. Her voice also powerful.

Bass is so handsome...try to find a chance to take photo with him but they seem busy practice so maybe end of service. When it's end, everyone busy taking photo with Pastor Kong Hee and we are rushing for van. Maybe next year in here again.:)

Sorry friends, it's blur because cheap cell phone.

15th September 2009

The bridge make me miss about him. When I went over the bridge for a dinner just now, the moment he called me during 25th August 2009 01:25pm while I walked on bridge for a lunch come into my mind. Suddenly, I feel so irritate about it. I still cannot accept that incident. I still cannot forgive myself to let him go at that time. If that time he called me, I tell him, then everything will be happy ending. Why am I so stupid choose to face it alone? Should I be a selfish people for self hapiness? If that time I become selfish person, then I will not so sad and hurt right now. I hate myself right now. I cannot do anything to change it, I cannot say anything, I hate this kind of situation which I cannot do anything to change the situation that I'm not comfort with it. When I see back all the pictures I took since I got my camera cell phone, I realized that I delete all the picture that I took with him. After I broke up with him, I still kept it in my laptop and Facebook. Since I realize he had a new gf, I delete all of them when I'm angry and crying. Now, I regret with my temper at that time. Now, I do not have any memory to see back but only can retrieve from Long Term Memory. These picture remind me of our love.

Both if these pictures took during Sea Ya event at Jusco Bukit Mertajam. The sotong remind me about his promise to buy me a turtle when I back from UNIMAS. This book remind me about our shopping in Popular. I very happy at that day because we went shopping for the whole day. I really do not want to forget about him but I have to, I have no choice.

This picture/photo took by him. I still remember I went to cut my hair and do temporary straighthening. This "sexy" clothes I seldom wear since I bought it when shopping with him. Honestly, I wore this is because of him. Guy wish to see his gf wear sexy, because proud to bring out together. So I did it for him. This the only picture that I keep where I took in his car.

Another picture also remind me about him. Every picture that I took in Penang when I with him, though is not the picture is only me.

This is the necklace that he gave me for my 20th birthday before I came to sarawak. On that day, he gave me and wear it for me. This is the necklace we went to mistery shopping. We cannot take it unless we use money to buy it. I miss you. Do you still remember these memories? Do you still keep our picture? Do you miss me when you see any place or picture that share our memories? I still hope all these do not happen and I'm still in dream. But it is impossible. Regret still deep in my heart. No one can understand better than me. I love you. Is that real which you are not the one that GOD give to me? Time will tell everything. GOD love to make joke with me. HE always want me to WAIT. I always cannot wait, and do what I want. If that time I wait few days, then the end is not like this. 《恶作剧之吻》make me remember about our tacit/empathy. We put the default ringtone for each other call is the chorus of this song. It is not coincidence. I do believe it. I understand that I need to forget him but it is not as easy as said. I need time.(-.-)