20th October 2009

20^th October 2009

It had been two months since he told me that he got a new gf. I do not understand why I behave like this. This is my first time to take so long time but still can’t forget someone. Last few weeks I thought I might forget him already but it is true until today. I feel like very miss him and want to tell him through my posting but I can’t do this for his sake and my image. I swear I won’t accept him if he turn back to me but I think there is no such word exist in his dictionary. When he decides to go on, then there is no turning back. Someone told me that he keep going on with his new life, so I should not just stay on my present situation. He told me to look forward. I knew I should and must do that but in words is not easy as work it out. I should have study for tomorrow quiz but I can’t make it. I just feel like giving up everything here and back to Penang and continue with my normal life there but I can’t. Sometime, we cannot do things as what we wish to. If I give up study here, I will disappoint a lot people. What should I do? Just leave it aside and focus on my final? I’m trying all the while. Will this success? Time will tells all after final finish and semester 1 end. Sometime, I even dream that this is just a dream, I’ve never been here, and when ever I open my eyes I’m still on my home bed and my sms inbox with his lovely sms. If he read this, I want to tell him that this post does not mean anything. It is just my feeling record. But, I think he will never bother any from me, how could he read my blog? I have no feeling on what he’s doing recently; I’m just a normal missing on him. Do I still love him? Perhaps yes, perhaps no. when ever I’m in emotional will use cry to release and settle the emotional feeling then keep going on with my works, but this time no more tears. Is it because I have no more feeling on him or I’m just dry of tears? In this kind of situation, I should have praying to GOD but I do not know how to speak to GOD. Praying in tongue does not make sense in comforting me right now. I always try to use pray to comfort myself but….try to be active in all sorts of outdoor activities, mix around with my friends, study hard for final, and do assignment, but all these make me happy on that time, after it, loneliness and sadness back again. Peace in my heart is the only way I can do now.

Anyway, today is the last class for English for Professional Purpose (EPP) and had a great presentation today. Well done. Actually I just drop down some point and speak random. Really pray do help. Every time I do my presentation, I prayed, “with YOU I’m able, without YOU, I am nothing. Amen.” That’s how I pray every time. Really success and I make the presentation in my style and smooth. Halleluyah. Before I go up stage for my presentation, for sure I’m nervous but before I go up, I prayed. Once I reached the stage, the nervousness disappears unexplainable. That’s the power of GOD. HE is LORD of LORDs, King of kings. What else he can’t do for us? Even be a doctor with medicine also HE is able. Every time I feeling unwell, I pray, then slowly I’m okay then especially migraine and headache. Furthermore, I’m always cold in class but not bringing any jacket, again I pray, it really not cold then. Praise HIS name.