November 2, 2009

November 2, 2009

Today is our first day of final examination. The first day include the two subject of Tamadun Islam dan Tamadun Asia (TITAS) and End User’s Computering (TMX1010). TMX was what I expected so I’m able to answer well but TITAS all came put from lecturer’s slides which I only focus on text book. Besides that, I’m sick since last night, so kind of giddy during second examination, TITAS. I came out of the examination hall quite early, around 40 minutes after the examination start. What makes me happy was, last night he did send message to me and wished me “good luck”. I do not know what is in his mind and why he wishes me, but I knew that he just try to be friend with me. Maybe what Kenny said were all right. Now, he tries to be friend and follow his plan. He is a well-planned man in all. I do hope that he is serious to me as well. Do I really fall in love with him? Or I’m just lonely and feel happy if there is someone like me and wishes to accompany me? I do not know the answer. Time will tells. What I’m sure right now is I still love him. Although I do still love him but I will not accept him if he’s turn back to me. He did hurt me before because he got a new gf so quick. His supporters said to me that he is well done with facing the truth, but I think he cannot stand on any single day of loneliness. If not this reason, he might not love me with his full heart until he can forget the pain so fast. Or his love can simply give to others. Any else of the reason, he himself know the best. The incident’s main character is back to examination today. As her wish, she is famous among our program. She do not feel any shameful and act like the always. She is lonely. She tries to make friend with all of us but sometime her attitude makes us act. We try to be nice with her all the time but every time she will spoil with her scolding. She does not know how to respect and understand others. In other word, she is selfish and extreme. If she tries to be nice to me then maybe I will tell her what’s wrong with her, but she is not. She did scold all of us like she is the lecturer. What I’m able to do is nice with her when she is nice with me; she try to step on my back, I will fight back until the end. Maybe this sound cruel, but all of my classmates will understand this. Even her best friend also talked bad about her back of her. How could she find a true friend if she never care about others feeling?

30th~31st October 2009

31^st October 2009

What an unlucky day from 30^th to 31^st October 2009. 30^th October 2009 is our University of Malaysia (UNIMAS), Human Resource Development (HRD) year 2 organize the welcoming dinner for the year 1. The venue is at The Crown Square Plaza. Well. This is quite a good place to be held for an informal dinner but there is a better choice for a formal dinner like The Bonquet. The Crown Square Plaza’s ball room is quite small and yet they collected RM35 from each of us. The food is quite delicious due to our hunger but till the incident happened, most of us lost our appetite to eat. We practiced so many times just to be performed well in this dinner. Her fall spoilt our hope especially mine. I hope I’m performing well in front of him. Well, why do I care so much of him? Since when do I like such a guy? When I look back, I’m just feeling happy that someone tends to interested in me but just that I’m not his type. Deep in my heart, I still love him. When I see he is enjoying his life, I’m happy that I make a right decision. At least he is not suffering with me in a long distance relationship. Although this should not be seen by him, but I believed that he no more bother to be concerned me as a friend. I think he will not bother to read my blog anymore. That’s good. When we love deep, we do not need to keep him at our side. I do warn myself that I only can miss him by sweet memory but not wait him propose me anymore. Even if he looks back at me, I will not accept him anymore though I still love him deep. I need to be stand still and WAIT. WAIT for GOD’s plan. I just do not know how to settle all these, but what I can do for now moment is “just let it’s being like this”. Besides that, 31^st October 2009, is the day when my first time to be in Kuching police station. Due to a car accident, we need to accompany my friend for report. From this, I can make an assumption that rich people are cruel. I need to be always reminds myself when ever I’m rich, have to look at the person. We are just university students, but he wants us to pay everything as he did wrong also. Anyway, I get to protect my friends before the adults came. What an unlucky day for me and my friends.

23rd October 2009

23^rd October 2009

This is the day when we have our meet with Penang’s Timbalan Ketua Menteri. The students in UNIMAS were invited to go for the dinner. Since my friends which are Sarawakian and also Kuching residents, told me that “The Bonquet” is a very high class place to go. There have a lot of nice foods, and it is true after I have tried it. It was a good experience because we have the chance to speak with him and take a picture with him. One of his helpers reached there earlier before YB told us bad about UNIMAS. The helpers from UNIMAS suppose to be reached there earlier than anyone else but they never reach so they need to change into plan B which is request the students from UNIMAS to be the helper like the MC, representative from students, etc. All these are choosing randomly and volunteer. Lamm. In this dinner, I found out that our Penang government really concern their people especially the students that study so far from Penang. We do appreciate it, Penang Government. Thanks a lot for the “lau hau”, food at the Bonquet, opportunities to let us voice out our problem, service provided in the ball room, and the concern table by table. It is touching when we all go so far from home to further our studies. The Bonquet is having a very good service. After our buffet session, they do prepare the polystyrene box for us to “tapao”. Warm.

20th October 2009

20^th October 2009

It had been two months since he told me that he got a new gf. I do not understand why I behave like this. This is my first time to take so long time but still can’t forget someone. Last few weeks I thought I might forget him already but it is true until today. I feel like very miss him and want to tell him through my posting but I can’t do this for his sake and my image. I swear I won’t accept him if he turn back to me but I think there is no such word exist in his dictionary. When he decides to go on, then there is no turning back. Someone told me that he keep going on with his new life, so I should not just stay on my present situation. He told me to look forward. I knew I should and must do that but in words is not easy as work it out. I should have study for tomorrow quiz but I can’t make it. I just feel like giving up everything here and back to Penang and continue with my normal life there but I can’t. Sometime, we cannot do things as what we wish to. If I give up study here, I will disappoint a lot people. What should I do? Just leave it aside and focus on my final? I’m trying all the while. Will this success? Time will tells all after final finish and semester 1 end. Sometime, I even dream that this is just a dream, I’ve never been here, and when ever I open my eyes I’m still on my home bed and my sms inbox with his lovely sms. If he read this, I want to tell him that this post does not mean anything. It is just my feeling record. But, I think he will never bother any from me, how could he read my blog? I have no feeling on what he’s doing recently; I’m just a normal missing on him. Do I still love him? Perhaps yes, perhaps no. when ever I’m in emotional will use cry to release and settle the emotional feeling then keep going on with my works, but this time no more tears. Is it because I have no more feeling on him or I’m just dry of tears? In this kind of situation, I should have praying to GOD but I do not know how to speak to GOD. Praying in tongue does not make sense in comforting me right now. I always try to use pray to comfort myself but….try to be active in all sorts of outdoor activities, mix around with my friends, study hard for final, and do assignment, but all these make me happy on that time, after it, loneliness and sadness back again. Peace in my heart is the only way I can do now.

Anyway, today is the last class for English for Professional Purpose (EPP) and had a great presentation today. Well done. Actually I just drop down some point and speak random. Really pray do help. Every time I do my presentation, I prayed, “with YOU I’m able, without YOU, I am nothing. Amen.” That’s how I pray every time. Really success and I make the presentation in my style and smooth. Halleluyah. Before I go up stage for my presentation, for sure I’m nervous but before I go up, I prayed. Once I reached the stage, the nervousness disappears unexplainable. That’s the power of GOD. HE is LORD of LORDs, King of kings. What else he can’t do for us? Even be a doctor with medicine also HE is able. Every time I feeling unwell, I pray, then slowly I’m okay then especially migraine and headache. Furthermore, I’m always cold in class but not bringing any jacket, again I pray, it really not cold then. Praise HIS name.