22nd September 2009

WOW~~WOW~~~What a wonderful days....Yesterday and today(21st-22nd September) were the days Pastor Kong Hee come to City Harvest Church,Kuching (CHC). I get to know it last Sunday. I was so excited that my favorite pastor from famous church is coming to talk to me live. I get to know him in YouTube. Since I came to UNIMAS further study, I lost the connection with GOD which I don't even have a single christian song when I need to worship him and get support from him. I start to look for Christian song in YouTube which I also forgot why I used YouTube to find the songs. I found a lot of video that worshiping and I saw one video was Pastor Kong's preach. The video clip was short (about 2-3 minutes). His words touch me even it just a simple sentence. I knew him through this video. I wish I could find a longer preach from him, but I could not find a single (ar..Maybe is I stupid in searching such thing or it need us to pay for it. As you know, YouTube download video for FREE and nothing is free in this world but need sacrifice for it). I always think I might be not have a single chance to meet this "celebrity pastor" in my whole life unless I go to Singapore then go to his CHC in Singapore. Unbelievable, he will come to CHC, Kuching and talk to me. LIVE~~cool~~ I did prayed to GOD that GOD please let me know the solution to solve my relationship problem through his mouth. It did happen in the first day of his preaching. Halleluyah~~Praise the GOD. Both preaches just like go straight to my heart and GOD speak to me what should I do. Thanks GOD. Besides that, I got a free gift from Pastor Kong. When he asked who want it, I raise my hand high and my friend also help to put my another hand on high. He gave it to me. Halleluyah.. That's what I need for now. After the service, I came to ask her that why she put my hand up, she answered me that's the first thinking crossed her mind. I do believe that GOD really want me to have it. The gift was a series of audio CDs. The title is "Choosing the Right Partner for Life". The blessed night I ever had.

Second day of service came. 10am with the leadership training. GOD do not want us to just stay in first space which is Christianity but go to second space, marketplace(Education, Entertainment, Media, Business) then we will reach the highest level in Christ. The third space is the connection with the influence person in the higher hierarchy of a country/world. With the help and support of these stage of people, we will be easier to spread HIS love and win more spirit for GOD. Night service at 7pm start with a great worship team from CHC, Singapore. All the while, they will worship first before Pastor Kong goes up to stage. This is how they look like when practice before the service start. Today, I only got the chance to take photo because busy with serving the presents. Besides that, we got to take some pictures before they start their practice. The gold chance took photo with them because we only can see them in TV or else go to CHC, Singapore. Even you can see them but does not mean that you also have the chance to take photo with them. They are so serious even just in practice.

He look like Korean singer but I cant recall the name of the singer. He lead lots songs in CHC, Singapore especially rap song.

The singer that I love the most which sing Heaven. same height with me.:) He wrote a lot of nice songs. His voice also fantastic. That's where his position is for serving GOD. I still can't find mine. Hope to find it soon.

this picture is to pleased Aaron Tai. He only take picture with the one he know and he think is famous. I do not think so, they are great singers.

To please Cindy. She is the one help me get the CDs. Holy hand that GOD used for giving me what I need. Halleluyah..

their practice 001--almost perfect:)

Main singer was HOT. Her voice so powerful. Pity them sing all the way for us and non-stop start from their CHC, Singapore Sunday service. In these two days, thanks for it my friends. Good luck in your next session in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah tomorrow(23rd).

"Barbie doll" in worship team drinking water. She is so pretty and Kawaii. Her voice also powerful.

Bass is so handsome...try to find a chance to take photo with him but they seem busy practice so maybe end of service. When it's end, everyone busy taking photo with Pastor Kong Hee and we are rushing for van. Maybe next year in here again.:)

Sorry friends, it's blur because cheap cell phone.

15th September 2009

The bridge make me miss about him. When I went over the bridge for a dinner just now, the moment he called me during 25th August 2009 01:25pm while I walked on bridge for a lunch come into my mind. Suddenly, I feel so irritate about it. I still cannot accept that incident. I still cannot forgive myself to let him go at that time. If that time he called me, I tell him, then everything will be happy ending. Why am I so stupid choose to face it alone? Should I be a selfish people for self hapiness? If that time I become selfish person, then I will not so sad and hurt right now. I hate myself right now. I cannot do anything to change it, I cannot say anything, I hate this kind of situation which I cannot do anything to change the situation that I'm not comfort with it. When I see back all the pictures I took since I got my camera cell phone, I realized that I delete all the picture that I took with him. After I broke up with him, I still kept it in my laptop and Facebook. Since I realize he had a new gf, I delete all of them when I'm angry and crying. Now, I regret with my temper at that time. Now, I do not have any memory to see back but only can retrieve from Long Term Memory. These picture remind me of our love.

Both if these pictures took during Sea Ya event at Jusco Bukit Mertajam. The sotong remind me about his promise to buy me a turtle when I back from UNIMAS. This book remind me about our shopping in Popular. I very happy at that day because we went shopping for the whole day. I really do not want to forget about him but I have to, I have no choice.

This picture/photo took by him. I still remember I went to cut my hair and do temporary straighthening. This "sexy" clothes I seldom wear since I bought it when shopping with him. Honestly, I wore this is because of him. Guy wish to see his gf wear sexy, because proud to bring out together. So I did it for him. This the only picture that I keep where I took in his car.

Another picture also remind me about him. Every picture that I took in Penang when I with him, though is not the picture is only me.

This is the necklace that he gave me for my 20th birthday before I came to sarawak. On that day, he gave me and wear it for me. This is the necklace we went to mistery shopping. We cannot take it unless we use money to buy it. I miss you. Do you still remember these memories? Do you still keep our picture? Do you miss me when you see any place or picture that share our memories? I still hope all these do not happen and I'm still in dream. But it is impossible. Regret still deep in my heart. No one can understand better than me. I love you. Is that real which you are not the one that GOD give to me? Time will tell everything. GOD love to make joke with me. HE always want me to WAIT. I always cannot wait, and do what I want. If that time I wait few days, then the end is not like this. 《恶作剧之吻》make me remember about our tacit/empathy. We put the default ringtone for each other call is the chorus of this song. It is not coincidence. I do believe it. I understand that I need to forget him but it is not as easy as said. I need time.(-.-)

8th september 2009

When he told me that he had a new gf,my heart broken. I should expect this once the day I said to break and change our relationship into friend.If I do not want him anymore,then I can say break but not change status itself.He seem to angry at me when I said it.If I look back at the post he made in Facebook,he found comfort in someone else after 1week we broke.What does this mean?I thought he is still loyal to me and might wait for me in another 3years even though I asked him to find a better one if he could.This is what I want but deeply in my heart I do not wish to see him with other girl.How contradict a girl is.I should have tell him clearly about this.Regret in my heart.I wish all these were just a dream,but it is impossible.I lost him since I said to break.What I trying to do now as I keep posting my feeling in Facebook?Is it I wish he could back to me?Pityness will bring him back?But if he really back,he is still suffer.He has a gf just like none as I'm in so far and cannot accompany him all the time.Hapiness is when you need him/her,he/she will with you that time.His friend said there must be a reason behind it,but if he is belong to me,he definitely will back to me when I'm ready to accept him back.I hope so he is belong to me.Lesson from this incident,I can tell and persuade myself do not really love someone with full of the heart but must pull back most of it for self use.I still cannot control myself to see his profile,photo,video,letter,sms,etc.All these just small matter during previous time but huge for me now.I need time to forget him.Sometime I ask myself,should I forget him or just make it happen neutrally.I swear this is my first time to be so hurt.I always face the situation that I cannot do anything but just look at it happen.

Is it really I ♥ him or I feel that he is mine but cannot be owned by other girl?Because of ♥,I need to let him go.Nothing else I can do for now.I just need to stand still and wait.Wait for them to break?Maybe.In case both of them marry,I will still wait.While waiting I can still look for my ideal partner.This time I need to set the rule.As my roomie said,wait the love to come but not search for it.I agree with it.I can live better even without him.I still keep the letter,bear and necklace he gave me during last year chrismast.best memory about the process he gave the present to me.He need to go Hong Kong with his family so he asked my friend to pass it to me on that day.I'm touched.It's time for me to focus on study.He not mine anymore.He will be mine when he back to me and it will be an ending that we both hapy ever after(he is mine forever).

bye~~I will going on with my life so do you.We shall decide it again after three years.Maybe you are going to marry after 3years,but I'm still will love you.When I remember about it,I shall recall that there was a charming prince sing song to me when I cannot sleep,tell stupid joke just to see me smile,change topic when I'm upset to shoft my attention, buy food for me when I hungry because I got no transport to go buy, hug me when I need hug, bring me go have a walk when I request, give me advice when I'm lost, scold me when I did wrong, accompany me when my mum pass away, learn to write chinese sms to me, bring me along when meet with his friends, introduce his friends to me, eat delicious food together, find the delicios food..............I shall remember these sweet moments. I will be happy because we had sweet moment together but won't sad of leaving.Baby,I love you.This is what I want you to do so that you won't suffer anymore.The moment I choose to face it alone,I should have expected that no one will accompany me to go along this road.

4th september 2009

Miss him. When I post this on my Facebook and MSN, he saw that. he told me to forget him if that post is towards him. He told me he has new gf. He thought to tell me after I back Penang, but he feel it's the time to tell me the truth. We broke up not more than two months but he got a new gf. Why can't he wait? Every words that he told me before this were LIE! Love me will end up like this? I just cant stop crying. REGRET. I should not come to Sarawak, should not break up with him, ..... GOD lead me here definitely will have HIS plan but I don't understand. WHAT IS LOVE?