November 8, 2009

I lost my mood in studying my final examination in tomorrow time. I keep thinking about the day of going back hometown, what should be done on that one month, and what should be eaten. Thinking of all these make me feel thousand times of excited. It had been six months that I’ve been UNIMAS for the first semester. Once I step on this land, it is no turning back. I need to stay here until I graduate. Seriously, PTPTN itself just enough for paying fees here and has simple or cheap meals everyday. If I wish to go back to Penang, I need to be wised-spend on it. Otherwise, I need to depend on my uncle to pay for it. Although there is someone paying for me but not asking me to pay back, but I could not go back that often.

There were few months that I suffered a lot of missing him and my home. It was the period of time that I feel like dying. No one understands better than me. This is my first time to be so far from home and so long never going back. Few days more, I’m in my home. I am meeting my friends and my family. I need to carefully plan on my schedule for my one month break. I do hope that he will stop reading my blog and keep some privacy for me. I’ve been warn him many times not to read anymore but he still keep with that. What is he trying to do? We are not the relationship that he has to read my blog and know anything from me. Although we are still friend, but who ever on this Earth read will be make no difference, but if he read is totally different story. I do not know how to explain the reason I care about it, but I am strongly dislike he read it. I hope he know how to respect me and himself, not forgetting his gf. I told Lin, she also agreed that I need to warn him again. He goes into my privacy area. What he want from me actually? When I decided to give up of him and do not want to bother him, then he start to read my blog and comment to me. Is it man that cheap? When I want him still and willing to wait for him, he do not want to bother me; when I decide to give up, then he has all these actions?

PLEASE STOP READING MY BLOG!!!!!!!!!!

You disappointed me once, and please leave me alone. Okay?

Here a quote that so meaningful to me and I hope if he read my blog again, please try to understand the meaning in it.

“如果你不爱一个人，请放手。好让别人有机会爱他。如果你爱的人放弃了你，请放开自己，好让自己有机会爱别人。有些东西你再喜欢也不会属于你的，有的东西你再留恋也注定要放弃的。人生中有许多种。但别让自己为一种伤害。有些缘分是注定要失去的，有些缘分是永远都不会有好结果的。爱一个人不一定要拥有，但拥有一个人就要好好的去爱他。男人哭了是因为他真的爱了，女人哭了是因为她放弃了。”

When you no more love someone, please let him/her go, so that she deserve to get her/his happiness and let someone else to love her/him. When a girl cries is because she really gives up. I cried more than two months because of stupid, sucks, low patient, and low class him. Now when I decided to put down, he comes to read my blog? What his problem? Although I am still love him, but we are impossible. I said to myself, if he turn back to me, I will not accept again so do all my ex. Other I cannot confirm, but he will definitely not doing it again. What is love? My university has a lot of good choice and some chasers, but I do not have any interest towards them. I think is not because of him, is because that I’m no more trust on it. I will wait for him. The “him” that sent by GOD. GOD always wants me to WAIT. Now, I find my peace in HIM though single. I need to stand strong on the conditions of my bf. In previous period, I lost in all relationship. Conclusion, I’m too rushing for a relationship and I never stand strong on my points. I need to change. Well, I’m going to have a short sharing session in RCC next Sunday about GOD’s work on me. I’m excited for it. I’m desperate for HIM. Halleluyah. ^.^